Why Candy Doesn’t Always Work: How to Understand Motivation and Your Child

“If you listen carefully, you’ll get a surprise later.” How many times have you heard a parent say this? Or perhaps, like me, it’s a tactic used in desperate measures in grocery stores, when leaving the house to go anywhere, or to calm your child. It is sometimes effective. And other times, it’s an ineffective repetitive plea with no results.

This type of strategy is limiting for children and adults. Here’s why:

Motivation determines how much energy and attention the brain and body spend on something. It is linked to action, behavior and connected to interests. Interest is not always associated with an external reward which is why the, “If you do not do this you will not get this,” warning is unsuccessful.

This type of action focuses on a conditional short term reward. It forgoes autonomy and the emotional child at stake. Rewards can actually be demotivating as the action can look undesirable, and loses its novelty.

Instead, focus efforts on creating environments to spark internal motivation.

Enhancing internal motivation is tricky and requires a certain deftness, but it yields greater rewards. How do you increase your child’s motivation?

1. Identify your child’s interest.
2. Does your child enjoy the activity engaged because it is voluntarily or an obligation? Participate in the activity with your child to show you have the same interest they do. Develop dialogue. Ask questions to help your child reflect and synthesize.
3. Create a supportive environment.
4. Use words to enhance their internal motivation and provide minute reminders proceeding the task. This can help reduce the pressure and stress. When possible create an environment with unstructured time. Build internal motivation by re-framing rewards, and reward with verbal praise and positive feedback. This builds their internal motivation and confidence. Affirm emotions and respond positively.
5. Identify the level of challenge your child likes.
6. Some children enjoy activities with a lot of challenges while others may enjoy reading or drawing. Observe how your child reacts to winning and losing to help them see how challenges can be positive.