One of the children suggested this for the next ‘‘Care package” sent to their father.

Douglas MacArthur was speaking to cadets at West Point when he said those words. He meant them for the cadets personally, but he could have easily have extended the words to the families left behind.

Cmdr. Steven Labows is on an Individual Augmentation tour at Camp Victory in Iraq, serving as executive officer to Army Maj. Gen. Timothy McHale, deputy chief of staff, resources and sustainment for the Multi-National Force in Iraq. His 406 days away from HX-21 at Pax River began June 24.

Until he returns this summer, his wife Emily and their four children — three girls and a boy ranging in age from 8 to 13 — have to carry on.

‘‘A lot of it is logistics,” said Mrs. Labows. ‘‘Steve is a very active parent and is involved with scouts, coaching, homework, home repairs and all the carpooling to their activities, so him not being here has been difficult on the kids.”

She continued, ‘‘We prepared them by letting them know that Mom can’t be in two places at one time. There will be times when you don’t have someone at your game or performance at school, and times when you’ll have to come home in another carpool.”

The children have, as a result, become more responsible and more independent. ‘‘They’re old enough now to be comfortable at home alone with each other,” said Mrs. Labows. ‘‘They have been able to take care of themselves more, and get themselves out the door. Even my eight-year old will watch the clock and stand at the steps waiting for her carpool if I have to be somewhere else with someone.”

She added, ‘‘They’re also very good about calling me on my cell phone.”

IA deployments are harder than others, both on the Sailor and his or her family. ‘‘With an IA, they’re taken from a job they do, train with strangers, and put into a different job with strangers,” Mrs. Labows stated. ‘‘They’re not with their unit, and when they come home no one in their immediate work environment has been through what they have.”

The same goes for the families: ‘‘When a unit deploys, those families know the other families in the unit, and the kids have other friends who are missing a parent.” It hasn’t been quite so bad for the Labows, however, because ‘‘when Steve got orders to go, so did a close neighbor and one up the street, so within the space of a week three families became single-parent, with a total of 10 kids.”

Their local community ‘‘has rallied around us, helping with carpools, lawn mowing and sometimes even bringing meals. My 12-year old has dubbed this the year of the lasagna, which is fine because we like lasagna. All those little things have really helped.”

In addition there are two sets of grandparents, who live in the Philadelphia area, are retired, ‘‘and love to visit the grandchildren every month, and Steve’s brother and family are nearby and help out, too.”

Communication has also helped. ‘‘We got a webcam on our own, and Steve has to purchase his own laptop for his webcam, because you can’t use it on your work computer,” she said. ‘‘I get to see him once a day at about 11 p.m., when it’s 7 a.m. in Iraq. We try to find a time on the weekend when there is a good connection so the kids can see him.”

The children ‘‘show him their artwork on the webcam, and that’s been important to him. I’ve also been good about videotaping things and transferring them to DVD for him.” She sends monthly packages filled with supplies and treats, plus those DVDs and children’s artwork.

But it’s not the same, because he is far from home in a dangerous place. ‘‘Being a military spouse, you learn to compartmentalize. You know the danger exists and you worry, but you can’t spend time obsessing about it,” Mrs. Labows said. ‘‘There was a time I was webcamming him and I could hear explosions in the distance. That was very unsettling, as is the simple aspect that he no longer wears his Navy flight suit or khakis but is in Army camo, wears body armor and carries an M-16 and pistol. All those parts of his military persona never existed before.”

And she had seen the worst close up: ‘‘Early in my marriage we lost two very close friends to a helicopter crash. I have been in that realm before, of seeing the black car drive up with the CO of the squadron and chaplain, and creating a memorial service for a 26-year old with his young wife and infant baby — so I have those images in my head and I know it is a possibility.”

The children feel the strain, too. ‘‘Sometimes they wake up the middle of the night and cry and worry,” said Mrs. Labows. ‘‘They know Daddy isn’t in the field fighting, but he’s supporting people that are, and when he travels from Camp Victory to the Green Zone he’s well-protected.”

She continued, ‘‘You see the stress in interesting ways. I’ve seen them get more easily overwhelmed by things. They used to be able to handle more activities and schoolwork, and now there’s only me to help them.”

Her eight-year old daughter asked, ‘‘Do they send people back to Iraq after they come home?” About two months into deployment, the same child asked, ‘‘How do wars end?” Said Mrs. Labows, ‘‘This has been going on for five of her eight years. It’s on their minds.”

To help them, ‘‘We have a map hanging up so they can see how far it is, and we’ve gotten books about Iraq and the Middle East so they can see what it’s like for him. He sends pictures and we have two clocks, one for our time and one for Daddy’s time.”

There is also the ‘‘military Christmas tree” that went up in December and will stay up until Cmdr. Labows’ return. ‘‘I used the ornaments that we have collected at duty stations over his 19 years in the Navy, and this year I tried to collect as many red, white and blue ornaments as I could find,” said Mrs. Labows. ‘‘It’s our red, white and blue Christmas tree with red, white and blue lights. The kids suggested we save it for Daddy when he comes home. It brings us a lot of joy to see it.”

While Cmdr. Labows ‘‘does a good job about not telling us everything,” he is also dealing with stress and that in 240 days, he has had only one day off. Helping deal with that falls to his wife.

‘‘It is time-consuming as far as supporting the children and Steve emotionally,” Mrs. Labows stated. ‘‘It’s probably the most exhausting thing for me.”

She continued, ‘‘It’s something you don’t factor in, but when Steve seems stressed you try to be positive and upbeat. He wants to know what’s going on, good and bad, but you don’t want to emphasize the bad very much.”

The feelings can be conflicting. ‘‘Dealing with all the logistics and the pressure of being a single parent family is something that every single parent deals with every day, and as a military family we always knew this could be on the horizon.”

Still, ‘‘You can’t prepare for the feelings that ensue and what it’s like to have Daddy read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ over the webcam.”

There will be some relief, however short-lived, as Cmdr. Labows is due for his 15-day R&R soon. The family is counting the days until they leave to join him in Germany. They will tour Europe for two weeks before he returns to Iraq for the last part of his deployment.

Mrs. Labows has been happy and thankful for the support she and the children have received from friends, neighbors and the schools. Their elementary school regularly has letter-writing from children to soldiers, and Leonardtown Middle has created a group for children with deployed parents.

‘‘There’s wonderful support through the Navy that I don’t think people are aware of because this is not a fleet-going base and the community isn’t used to seeing battle groups and squadrons leave and return,” she said. ‘‘The base, especially under Capt. and Mrs. Ives, has done a phenomenal job supporting IA families through the Fleet and Family Support Center. Mrs. Ives has started an IA Families Support Group that will carry on when she leaves.”

There is one thing Mrs. Labows would like to see more of. ‘‘People ask what they can do, and what they can do is fill their shoes in the community,” she stated. ‘‘It’s not just Steve, but every man or woman who has been taken from the community for an IA or something else, has been a Sunday School teacher or a coach or scout leader or something else that has served their local communities. With them gone, the spouse can’t volunteer as much, so the community is missing quite a few people.”

In the case of her daughter’s basketball team, which lost both coaches to IA assignments, ‘‘that’s what happened. Another father stepped right up and said of course he’d coach. That’s something I wish people would see they could do, and more of them would do that. You fill their shoes in the community.”