Welcome to the latest edition of the Summary of Mishaps: things you'll never see in a resume or on a job application, not even if any of the folks below wanted to be stuntmen.
At a school in California, an E-2 student hurt his shoulder playing tackle football ("without supervision or any PPE," the report said). The E-2 said that "he realized playing tackle without PPE was not a good idea but did not think about it at the time." I believe it.
He also said "he didn't like playing touch football as it was too boring." I'll be happy to provide a pile of exciting touch-football injury reports to study during his five days of light duty.
Noted Without Comment: An E-3 master-at-arms in a barracks in California received some guidance after the horse had escaped from the barn and disappeared over the far horizon. He was told, the report says, "to use the back of his hand without physically touching the hot plate to feel for heat."
Second-degree burns to his left index finger and middle finger. That's the trouble with checking something to see if it's hot. It might be hot.
Speaking of heat, our Rocket Scientist of the Week, an E-1 Sailor in Missouri, earned this most questionable of all distinctions when he "tried to iron his pants while the pants where still on his leg."
This ploy has been tried before. It didn't work very well that time, either.
FYI: irons are hot. If you doubt it, try making a grilled cheese sandwich with one. It works great. Furthermore, the material in your average pair of trousers is a terrible insulator.
Note: If you're going to do some ironing after making the aforementioned grilled cheese sandwich, make sure you clean the iron.
"We're Doomed, I Tell You, Doomed!" A motorcycle rider, the report said, "did everything right and still lost. He attended the required training, wore all PPE, appeared to be riding within his ability, was riding with the flow of traffic, and was not riding recklessly."
Well, darn, I guess riding motorcycles is just plain dangerous. Especially (as it turned out was the case here) when you have two months of experience, go 20 mph over the speed limit, pass cars on an interstate in the dark and slam into the back of a slower vehicle.
If that counts as doing everything right, I'd hate to see what doing some things wrong would be.
Until we meet again, remember--there's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip, especially when you aren't holding the cup by the handle and you're trying to walk downstairs and read a book at the same time.
Check out our new blog at www.public.navy.mil/navsafecen/Pages/media/nscblog/index.aspx. The latest is called "So, Who Taught You To Drive?"